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CRINGE

CRINGE

Down the pub
Pissed asleep
Dope is working
Dreaming about a girl so sweet

I woke up
In a state
To find out
I've been touching up my mate

Ooh! What a crige
I can't believe it's true
Ooh! What a cringe
There's nothing I can do

Tried to run
And leave this place
Get away
Get somewhere and hide my face

I got up
To leave the scene
They all laughed
At the wet patch on my jeans

I threw up
Loads of beer
World is spinning
Laughter ringing in my ears

Woke up drunk
The next day
Check the mirror
" Pissed cunt " written on my face

SHIT BRITISH TOUR

Brighton- They stood at the bar
London- Too stuck up
Cornwall- Too far to go
Shit tour, we should have stayed at home
I don't wanna go on no shit british tour no more

Retford- Tight promoter
Liverpool- They can't afford us
Carlisle- There's no P.A.
Glasgow- To be arranged

Well take me down to the south of spain
Where the punters dance and it never rains
Take me back to the U.S.A.
Where they give you lots of free cocaine

Leeds- Was full of goths
Richmond- Full of toffs
Sheffield- Gordon and her mate
We all got flu and trap got laid

No way, Retford, Porterhouse
No way, Leeds, Adam and eves
No way, four cans of top brass
Five pounds for chips you must be fucking joking
Johnny clarke, up your arse
No way, I wanna hotel not a punk squat to sleep in

THE GARDENER

He keeps his tools in the garden shed
He mows the lawn he trims the hedge
Those latin plant names fill his head
He even sleeps in the flower bed
He's the gardener

He plants the bulbs he sows the seed
He ruthlessly hunts down the weeds
He works until his poor hands bleed
To own a tractor is his dream
He's the gardener

As world recession takes a hold
His lordship makes some cuts at home
He's told to pack his bags and go
He falls dead in the winter snow
He's the gardener

LAUNCH 'EM NOW

Throw away that refuse sack
Don't fill out that tag
The kids are on the streets
Food and beer is free
Well it's hello boys and girls
And farewell to your world

Launch 'em now we don't care
Fly those nukies thru the air
Launch 'em now light up the sky
It's time for everyone to die

Get yourself a gun
And blow away some scum
I must protect my stash
So just keep off my patch
Fat politicians die
Too unfit to survive
The city's blown to bits
Investments don't mean shit

REALITY CALLING

I've got this feeling of impending doom
Time goes by troubles loom
Things get worse and never get better
I only get bills I've never had a letter
Reality calling

I never had a chance to finish my dream
The alarm bell rang it was eight-fifteen
I never saw the sun today
But I guess it still looks much the same
Reality calling

You hide behind your TV screen
Everyday's another dream
There's one thing you can't ignore
The world is knocking at your door
Reality calling

THE MAN WHO DID NOTHING

He never went nowhere just stayed in his town
Made no promises let nobody down
He wished for the summer looked out the window
Watching the world go by through the rain and the snow

He was the man
The man who did nothing
He did nothing at all

Read a book about egypt saw a film about rome
Made a lot of plans then just stayed at home
He wished for the summer looked out the window
Watching the world go by through the rain and the snow

WEEKEND WARRIOR

He's coming down he's on his way
Don't you try to hide now you can't escape
He's at the front door he's in your bed later
Now he's got his head in the refridgerator
Back in the city he's alright 'cos he's a weekend warrior
And it's friday night

Yes here he comes he's out of his head
He's gonna form a gang he's gonna punch some heads

He's a weekend warrior

He's gonna grab some girl he's gonna bring her down
He's gonna let you know that he's in town

V.D.U. HEAD

Had too much acid took too many "E's"
Just can't remember 1980's

V.D.
V.D.U. head

Sit in the corner stare at the sky
No-one can see him with his hood pulled up tight
There's a drum machine ticking in his head
He can't turn it off until he's dead
Pretty little patterns move around his jeans
James Brown's howling in his dreams

Well he fell in love with his V.D.U.
His girl has left his cat has too
He sits at home with his V.D.U.
His face is green he don't wear shoes

SHIT AT IT

I wake up in the morning light
Go back to sleep 'cos today is shite
No good at this no good at that
I'm born to live and die a pratt
Don't wanna be top of the charts
'cos I don't really look the part
No, I can't mime and I can't act
Who really wants to be a cat
...That's it

That's it, I quit, I'm shit at it

Tried to write a song about love
But Del came 'round so we went to the pub
No good at this no good at that
I'm born to live and die a pratt
...That's it

THERE'S A PENIS ON MY SHOULDER

The earth was quaking the walls were shaking
A burning smell rose up from hell
The room went black
There was a lightning flash as the windows smashed

There's a penis on my shoulder
The lights went out, the room got colder

People in town have seen him hanging 'round
Waiting to attack all dressed in black
The chilren cried with eyes open wide
There was nowhere to hide as the furniture flies

I can feel his mind creeping up behind
My chest was heaving I heard heavy breathing
My body froze as he stripped down his clothes
Death is in my face and it's coming my way

TUINAL SHUFFLE

Do the tuinal shuffle

Your on your knees
You've lost your keys
You're trying to get home
You fall asleep
Still on your feet
Up on the dance floor

You buy a beer
You drop your beer
You order some more
She tells you no
She's going home
Face down on the floor

Flat on your back
The lads attack
You don't feel a thing
You're up for more
You're out the door
The bouncers join in

GOODBYE FOREVER

You ate all my food
You spent all my money
When I complained
You thought it was funny
Well I've put up this
For far too long
Well you slept in my bed
With another boy
Being last to find out
Was the thing that annoyed me
I'll never trust another girl again

So it's goodbye forever

I came back from our tour
And you'd messed about
People turned away
When I quickly looked 'round
They all laughed at me behind my back

I'll dream sweet dreams
Of things to come
Places to visit
Friends to have fun with
I'll drink a toast to independent choice

LATENT PSYCHOSIS

Waiting for the bus,on a cold windy day
Staring around something strange underway
Heart beats wild going blind
I can't walk I try to fly

Latent psychosis, latent
It's back again

Brought down in the box this could put us one up
Blood sugar level is on it's way up
Breathing in deeply to take the spot kick
Something in side my brain just clicked

Hanging around in a bar down town
Place is packed sweating people around
Things you say the things I see
All begin to puzzle me

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